My Infertility & Loss Journey

The first time we got pregnant was by (pleasant) surprise. I remember how relieved I felt that I didn’t have to worry about “trying”.

I thought I had dodged the planning & monitoring of trying to conceive.

Little did I know… We made it to 10 weeks when we found out the baby had stopped developing.

It was one of the worst days of my life. I was so caught off guard and unprepared. I never expected to lose my first pregnancy. I never expected to EVER lose a baby.

During the ultrasound, it all happened so fast… I did not have time to process, I did not have time to accept that there was nothing I could do to change what had already happened. I felt so lost. All the joy & excitement I had was stolen and replaced with grief, confusion, and anxiety.

And I could never have imagined that it was only the beginning of the worst to come.

My 1st pregnancy was just the starting line for the most treacherous uphill battle I have yet to face.

Sadly, I would go onto to have 3 more miscarriages.

It took countless planning, monitoring, doctor’s appointments, and testing but I was finally diagnosed with:

• APS (An auto immune blood clotting disorder)

• Low AMH/Diminished Ovarian Reserve (An indication that I have less eggs than I should for my age)

• MTHFR (My body does not process Folic Acid so my R.E. & OBGYN have me take Folate instead)

• Low Progesterone & Estrogen (Hormones pivotal to maintaining pregnancy)

• And both my luteal & follicular phase run shorter than average. (This is what ultimately led me to do medicated cycles because they can help stabilize these issues.)

After my 3rd loss we took a 4 month break so I could do everything under the sun to optimize my fertility (supplements & nutrition tips here), we were finally ready to start trying again, but nothing happened. We ended up trying 3 medicated cycles, pairing the last one with an IUI.

It was Thanksgiving week of 2020 and after one of the most difficult years things finally seemed to turn around and the odds were finally in our favor. For the 1st time ever we got 2 big and beautiful follicles but, 2 weeks later we found out it did not work. (Details on what we did next.)

Month after month of failure was so disappointing & frustrating.

It was hard to understand how we were initially able to get pregnant on our own, but nothing was happening now that we had help.

We decided not to move forward with a second IUI and to take a break from medicated cycles for a few months before moving onto IVF.

We took an, “If it happens, it happens'“ approach.

And it did!!!

The very next month in December we got pregnant on our own!

In January 2021, I started spotting and thought I was getting my period early, but I track my BBT and it wasn’t dropping like it normally does. So I took a test and it was positive! My R.E. confirmed with a blood test and checked my hormones. I was advised to immediately switch from the Progesterone pills I was on to PIO shots and start Estrogen suppositories.

The spotting stopped and I thought everything was going to be ok because we were finally giving my body everything it needed but, a few days later we tested my HCG again and it was dropping.

Unfortunately, I went on to have my 4th miscarriage.

I am extremely disappointed but still not defeated.

This last pregnancy gave me hope that my body will get pregnant again and I have faith that sooner or later it will work.

For now, we plan to try on our own for a few months before moving on to IVF (here’s a post on why I am not ready for IVF)