How to support a loved one if they have a miscarriage

The thing about miscarriage is that, although it is common, it ISN'T something we COMMONLY talk about.

So, when it happens most people genuinely just don't know what to say...& in an effort to help,

they say things that actually just really hurt.

Through the women I have connected with & through my own experiences,

I feel like I've heard it all...

•Everything happens for a reason

•It wasn't meant to be

•It's not your time yet

•That wasn't "your" baby. "Your" baby will come later.

•Just relax, it will happen when it is "the right time"

•At least you weren't that far along

Honestly, before having multiple miscarriages myself, I don't think even I understood how hurtful some of these words could be.

That's why I think it is important to remember that the people who say these things, are saying them with THE BEST OF INTENTIONS.

They are TRYING to help, but they just don't know how.

So it's important that we speak up for ourselves & communicate what we need!

This is new territory for you & your loved ones, WORK TOGETHER.

HELP THEM, HELP YOU.

For me, there is NOTHING anyone can really say that will make me feel better other than,

"I'm sorry for your loss & I'm here for you".

That is enough for me.

It lets me know that my experience is being acknowledged & that support is waiting for me, for when I'M READY to accept it.

If you know someone who has experienced this kind of loss:

•Ask if there is anything you can do

•LISTEN more than you speak

•DON'T try to relate if you can't (comparing something that doesn't measure up can be insulting)

Most people have a hard time asking for help. Sometimes you just have to take the initiative & do something for them.

•Send flowers

•Mail a card

•Call them to talk

•Remember them on holidays like Mother's Day. A simple, "I'm thinking of you today" can be so appreciated.

And it's ok to say, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, but I love you & I'm here for you".