It is ok to NOT be ok

*This was written just before I shared that I had my 3rd miscarriage.

It's really hard for me to admit this, but I have been struggling.

I've NEVER talked about my miscarriages soo much & I've never had to confront them the way that I am now.

It feels like since I started sharing  I've ACTUALLY been "dealing" with it for the 1st time.

As I unpack the weight of what I've been carrying, I am realizing how much it really has effected me.

I keep saying, "I'm ok", and I have days that I am & other days that I'm just not.

And I think I've had a really hard time ADMITTING to myself, that I don't feel like ME right now.

As such an optimistic & positive person...it's not easy to see yourself down.

But the proof is in the pudding...

I've lost 8lbs & because I'm so petite I'm now underweight. Which makes me feel uncomfortable in my body & chips at my confidence... just being honest.

I get emotional more than usual & moody because 

my hormones are off balance.

I find myself napping mid-day because a part of me just wants to go to sleep & wake up once it's all over.

It's clear to me now that, 

I haven't been as "ok" as I thought, and I'm ready to ACCEPT it & ADMIT it so that I can finally do something about it.

• I started Acupuncture treatments this week.

(I'll do a post on why that's been so healing.)

• I'm converting my garage into a gym so I can do my daily workouts again.

• I'm joining a fitness program to help me get back on track with my diet.

• Most importantly, I'm accepting that being strong doesn't mean I'm not allowed moments of weakness.

Whatever you are feeling, it is ok. Honor your feelings. Your feelings are valid.