The day I found out I was pregnant (for the 1st time)

On April 25, 2019, I posted this picture on IG with the caption "Feelin’ blessed".

Because this was the day we found out we were pregnant (for the very first time).

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, and the weather was perfect so we decided to go on a hike and spend the day outside.

I was late on my period but didn’t think much of it. I hadn’t calculated just how late I was (until I realized I was pregnant).

We went on a nice lunch date after our hike and casually picked up a pregnancy test at the store.

We hadn’t been trying, but we hadn’t been NOT trying (if you know what I mean). So the possibility was there, but I didn’t actually think I was pregnant.

Once we got home I took the test and almost as soon as I dipped it I saw a positive line.

I was so shocked, I actually walked away to wait the 5 minutes because I thought maybe it needed time.

We set an alarm and ran back into the bathroom.

It was positive! I took 1 more test. Positive again!

We were elated!!! That moment, that joy, those feelings… it was one of the best days of our lives.

Unfortunately, that bliss was short lived. We went on to lose the baby at 10 weeks.

I had a missed miscarriage and had to get a D & C. That was the beginning of the nightmare I’ve been living.

After bleeding complications (we now know I have APS a blood clotting disorder), I had to go on to have another D & C for the same pregnancy.

It’s been over 2 years now, and I have since had 4 losses with no live births.

It is still hard to believe and I definitely have my “Why Me?” “Someone wake me from this nightmare” moments, but ya know what?

Even after EVERYTHING I've been through, I STILL have things that make me FEEL BLESSED.

When I look at the life I'm living & the people I get to live it with (such as my wonderful husband) I know that I am blessed to be here & to have them with me & I NEVER want to take that for granted.

I know I have a looong life ahead of me & I don't want to miss out on the NOW because I'm too busy focusing on the "when".

I'm going to FULLY live the life I have NOW, because that's all I really have.

Let's not miss out on life while waiting.

It's ok to be grateful for what you HAVE while staying hopeful for what you want.

Sending you all love & light.

Have a BEAUTIFUL day!