I miss not knowing...

This picture came up on my memories on IG.

It's from July of 2018.

Long before we entered the realm of loss & grief.

Long before we had ANY idea what we'd be up against.

Long before we could possibly know how hard it would be for us to start a "family".

I remember this day so clearly.

We took a whale watching tour in Newport, Ca & saw what seemed like hundreds of dolphins & witnessed a whale breach.

It was an incredible experience & I was so happy & PRESENT.

My mind wasn't on the next appointment, or waiting for results, or wondering what was going to happen.

I miss that feeling of not having ANYTHING else on my mind.

Not wondering & worrying.

But also, this picture reminds me of that carefree part me & inspires me to create a new version of her.

We all change throughout the years. It seems impossible to stay the same.

It's a matter of choosing how we will change & who we will become.