Scared to try, scared to NOT try

It can be terrifying to try again after loss (in my case 3).

After every loss I have felt knocked down & have had to FIGHT to get back up...

To feel like ME again.

The fear of "it" happening again can be paralyzing.

It's like you can't move.

You don't know what steps to take, you don't know HOW to move forward.

But what choice do we have other than to keep going, if we're not ready to give up?

I have APS (a blood clotting disorder) which means I have a 70-80% chance of miscarriage or stillborn.

(Blood thinners help, but there are no guarantees.)

It's scary to think that the odds are stacked against me.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not afraid, but WE DON'T HAVE TO BE FEARLESS TO BE BRAVE.

So as we prepare to start trying again, I'm focusing on:

Forgiving my body

Trusting my body

Believing in my body &

Visualization- when I meditate, I close my eyes & envision myself pregnant & then holding my baby.

I have to whole heartedly believe in what has seemed impossible.

I don't know what the future holds, but I'm ready to find out.