So it's ME?

The nurse from my fertility clinic called and said,

"We got your husband's tests back.

Everything looks AMAZING!

We couldn't ask for better results!"

Me: "Oh that's great news! One less thing to worry about."

Nurse: "Well we got the rest of your results too... looks like you have low AMH and tested positive for MTHFR. In addition to the APS you already know about.

But it's ok, we're going to figure it out.

My heart sank.

Another one of those roller-coaster rides where you go from high to low so quickly.

I felt grateful that my husband doesn't have any "issues" but in that moment I also couldn't help but feel so defective.

This is the thing about infertility. It's hard to find a happy place.

If it's not one thing it's another.

I should be happy that my husband doesn't have any "issues"

(and after digesting it all, I AM) but if I'm being honest, my initial thoughts were,

"So it's just me. I'm the defective one. And if it weren't for me, he wouldn't be dealing with this.

It's my fault."

Of course my husband doesn't feel that way, and I've managed to snap myself out of that, BUT it takes daily effort to not get down on yourself because your body isn't doing what it's SUPPOSED to do.

Maybe my reaction would've been different if she gave us the bad news first. I'll never know.

But I do know that, I am NOT defective & there is nothing wrong with needing a little help to make our family.