Remember me this way
In my vows I told my husband that I would "always give him the best of me".
But 3 miscarriages later and he has seen the worst parts of me.
I've NEVER been so sad.
I've never cried so much.
3 back to back losses gave me the deepest grief I've ever experienced.
It was hard to smile.
It hurt to laugh.
It's been 4 months since my last loss and I FINALLY feel like ME again, but it hurts when I think about the fact that the 1st 6 months of our "newlyweds" phase include 4 months of grieving.
My 1st miscarriage was May of 2019. We waited till our wedding 9 mths later to try again & I got pregnant!!! It felt like a dream come true after the nightmare & complications we had survived from my 1st pregnancy.
But then I miscarried again & we fell hard from the high we were experiencing.
My wedding was the best day of my life, little did I know that it would soon be followed by the worst.
I lost 2 pregnancies since my wedding day & had a full blown panic attack after the 3rd.
It felt impossible not to get knocked down.
For a while, I felt guilty because the depression wouldn't allow me to give my husband the wife he deserved.
But now I feel proud.
He has seen me overcome my greatest battle.
He was witness to the strength it took for me to get up again.
And during the moments when I felt to weak to walk, he carried me through our storm.
Our losses helped us gain a new appreciation for life & for our love.
And I realize now, we didn't lose time from our newlywed phase, instead our journey has helped us GAIN the wisdom of a lifetime.
And even if I wasn't the best me then, I am an even better me NOW.
